Matt Gray

On locks and why I hate them

Feb 21, 2003

Okay, so the day started off normal. I did watch Donnie Darko, a really cool movie about a delusional high schooler who sees a six foot tall demonic rabbit that urges him to.. well, DO things. This is the ultimate movie for my roommate, Jeremiah. Anyway, I enjoyed it, despite the fact he refuses to play it on my dvd player.

Work was uneventful, a stop at Perry’s, etc.. and I decide I finally need to buy that shoe polish I never seem to have.. and new laces. Walking around for months with your shoes untied in all weather conditions tends to fray the laces a bit. Maybe if Jeremiah can get his silly digital camera batteries charged, I’ll post a before/after of my shoes.. but I digress. I visit my friend Andy, and invite him to a friend’s birthday party. Then, since I’m in NE Mpls. (I went to Rosedale) I decided to check in on some more of my friends at their house. This proved to be my undoing.

I saw none of their cars on my arrival, and since I forgot my cell phone I had no means of communication. No one answered the door, and I felt cheated. I decided to wait for a short while, after all, it was now rush hour! I had a haircut at 6:45, but it was only 5:15 or so. Travis finally arrives and honks at me. I quickly bolt out of my car and crack some lame joke.. how I wish I hadn’t! Time passes. Soon it is almost six, and I must be leaving. I perform the ritual every man is familiar with: the pocket pat-down to assure that nothing slipped into the couch. “Hmm, where are my keys?” - Surprise, surprise, they’re locked in the damn car.

A litte background: I have done this a few times, but have only used a locksmith once. I observed him slide flexible plastic with a rubber loop tied to its corner, such that it could be slid into the crack in front of the rear passenger door and looped around the notch present on those pull-up door locks. Then the ’smith just pulled up and shazam!

Another time was skiing at Lake Maria - luckily the rangers had a flexible sign, a hole punch, and some rubber bands. That was all I needed.

Fast forward to the present. My friends had no signs suitable for use, but there was a popcorn box and a chips box. Even worse, the only rubber bands present were flimsy litte green affairs that couldn’t hold much tension. Bad luck. Long story short (because I’m tired) I worked at the lock for an hour and a half; until my resourceful friend Dino came out, modified my design for the better, and unlocked the door. I was far too grateful to feel outclassed. I had long since missed my haircut.. but who cares.

The unlocking of the car allowed access to Coke and Windsor Canadian… bought purely out of nostalgic reasons earlier, understand. A drink felt darn good.. and soon it was time to go after ABC’s pathetic “Are you hot?” show. Went home, discovered server went down. Couldn’t get my mail. Ran back to work. Fixed problem. Ran back here.

And that is why I am bothering to type all this whilst sipping my pseudo-martini (the cremé de menthé is for fresh breath :P)… actually, I have no idea WHY I am typing all of this. Lucky you, I guess.

← Previous Post Next Post →